Family

We have spent a lot of time with family this past week at the house, out for lunch, getting our nails done and at the beach.  As you can see from the pictures below, there have been times of sadness and mourning, but also of joy as we enjoyed just being together.  This has helped us all with the grief and healing process that we are going through.  Today is Colleen's memorial service and while I likely won't take or post any pictures of the event, I think the pictures I've taken below would make her so proud of the legacy she has left behind.  We all loved you Colleen, a.k.a. Mom C, Nana, and Auntie Colleen!
 

Our Memorial Garden

In our attempt to work through some of our grief and build a memorial that would remind us daily of the impact Colleen had on our lives, we decided to plant a garden.  As a family, we went to the green house and each chose a plant that reminded us of Colleen in some way.  We created a garden right beside our front door and planted the plants we chose there.  For us, this is a living memory of Colleen's life and the impact she had on ours.

Ethan chose a hosta and some beautiful yellow flowers.

Reuben chose a calla lily.

I chose a hydrangea.

And we chose a hosta with beautiful purple flowers for Jonas.

We received a few plants as gifts from friends and added those to our garden as well.  Thank you to our friends and family that were supporting us and thinking of us during this difficult time.

Our Loss

This morning things are different, pensive, dreary, sluggish; less matters and yet more matters.  I have few words, just tears and the more I search for words the more intensely the tears roll down... 

My family has lost the " brick in the centre" to steel a quote from Stephanie Friesen.  And while plans are already being made to hold us together, the days ahead without her are unimaginable, abstruse and foreign.  Feelings of loss are not completely unfamiliar as we have all watched Colleen struggle in her battle with cancer these last 6 months, but the loss of all hope in the finality of death is still such a blow.  One is never quite prepared for this.

The dreaded, but anticipated phone call came yesterday as the boys and I enjoyed the sun with friends...wonderful, supportive friends (thank you M, M and J).  And while I shed a few tears upon receiving the news, it wasn't until I arrived where the family had gathered that I began to feel the gravity of what had materialized.  As hugs and words of encouragement were exchanged and her room was cleaned out, the completion of her life weighed heavily upon us.

Heading to dad's for dinner, Reuben and I struggled with the impossible task of telling our four year old his Nana was gone.  After sharing this emotional news, Ethan attempted to comfort me with a hug and what he thought would be reasuring words, "Don't worry mom, you don't need to be sad, we'll see Nana tomorrow."  I guess a true understandng will only come in time as we continue to experience life together, but without his beloved Nana.

We asked Ethan what his favourite things to do with Nana were, as too soon they will be distant memories and difficult for him to retrieve.  Together we began a list that we'll continue to add to as events, objects, pictures and words help remind us.  For now he loved and remembers best:

• playing lego and cars at her house with the toys from the special cupboard in her kitchen

• going downstairs to play, but only with an adult

• reading the story about the man on the boat with the cats over and over

• visiting Peanut, shoveling her poop, riding in the wheelbarrow, looking for kittens in the barn, and riding Polly Pocket.  Nana loved Peanut.

• meeting grandpa for sprinkle donuts

• going to preschool on Thursdays

• coming for breakfast and eating "smashed" or "dippy dippy" eggs made to order                            

• playing the hot and cold gamer for "prizes"

We will make a tenacious effort to see beyond our grief and celebrate her life, clinging to our memories as we are told she would want us to.  Our first, a garden, planted, chosen and cared for with her in mind.  We love you Colleen, our mother, Nana and friend.  You are forever in our hearts.

Fun in the Sun!

A picnic and a bouncy castle...what more does a five year old need?  Thanks Michelle, for hosting another great playdate for our kids!

Ethan Rides on Two Wheels

We registered Ethan in a Bike Camp this summer and were excited because the description sounded like a tried and true method for teaching a child to ride on two wheels, but also relieved that no longer would we be the sole provider of Ethan's bike training.  It's not that Ethan was having trouble learning, but we just had a hard time finding the time to dedicate to teaching him...pathetic, I know!  We would take the training wheels off and begin practicing, but then a walk around the park would come up and the training wheels would go back on so Ethan could bike along...apparently this is a no-no.

Anyway, we registered him for Bike Camp, took his training wheels off (for the last time) and showed up on day one ready to ride!  But the instructor had no idea how to teach kids to ride on two wheels.  In fact, he thought that all of the kids in the camp would already know how to ride on two wheels...oops...did I read the description wrong?  Nope!  As more kids came with their training wheels still in place, it was clear there had been a mistake.  So we made the best of it, followed the instructors lead and helped our kids navigate the 'obstacle' ahead of them.

Jonas, being the incredibly content baby that he is, sat and observed patiently while I dutifully held Ethan up on his training-wheel-less bike.  I ran along behind him as he pedaled through the course, secretly letting go every chance I got.  Undiscouraged by the "don't let go" -es, I continued in my scheme, convinced that this was how Ethan was going to learn to ride (well, not convinced exactly, just completely at a loss for any better ideas).  About half way through the first day, Ethan got so frustrated with my method, that he told me to "Just let go!"  And then he took off, on his own, just like that!  It was amazing!  I wanted everyone to stop and watch my son take his first "steps" on the bike.  My smile was so BIG and as soon as camp was over we drove over to FVFP and showed off his new skill to Reuben (and anyone else willing to watch) in the parking lot.  It was a celebration!  Great job, Ethan!!

Sweet and patient, Jonas!